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Unlocking history of Expired2%Milk for Genital Jousting

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	Points	Unlocked
Magnetic Basshole	1.51	03/02/2019 23:19:59
Win Lights Out in under five seconds.	1.51	03/02/2019 23:19:59
Self Defence	0.90	03/02/2019 22:56:32
Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.	0.90	03/02/2019 22:56:32
Fire Inspector	0.65	03/02/2019 19:02:29
Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.	0.65	03/02/2019 19:02:29
Go Left	0.53	03/02/2019 18:44:31
Move to the left.	0.53	03/02/2019 18:44:31
Go Right	0.53	03/02/2019 18:44:28
Move to the right.	0.53	03/02/2019 18:44:28
Generous Lover	0.66	03/02/2019 06:59:57
Finish last in a Party Mode game.	0.66	03/02/2019 06:59:57
Autopaedicatio	1.24	03/02/2019 06:47:54
Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.	1.24	03/02/2019 06:47:54

Game	Achievement		Points
		Most Improved Tapulator	1.35
		Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.	1.35
		Meet Your Maker	1.52
		Penetrate God.	1.52
		Summer Job	1.36
		Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.	1.36
		Early Bird	1.62
		Swallow every worm.	1.62
		Sleep No More	1.67
		Don't let sleeping dongs lie.	1.67
		Swan Tamer	1.04
		Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.	1.04
		Bulking Gear	1.65
		Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.	1.65
		Paperwork	1.62
		Submit your monthly physical report.	1.62
		Popcorn Buffet	1.43
		Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.	1.43
		Appalling Appetite	1.74
		You should see a doctor immediately.	1.74
		Clumsy	1.26
		Die a lot of times in your nightmares.	1.26
		A Better John	1.00
		Start taking responsibility for you actions.	1.00
		Master Unlocker	1.46
		Collect enough milk to fill the tank.	1.46
		Couch Party	1.74
		Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.	1.74
		Always Finishes First	1.19
		Good at video games. Terrible at sex.	1.19
		Spare Wheel	1.37
		Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.	1.37
		The Perfect Partner	1.41
		Marry yourself in Abstinence.	1.41
		My Precious	1.51
		Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.	1.51
		Safety First	1.53
		Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.	1.53
		Till Death Do Us	1.14
		Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.	1.14
		Fussy Lover	1.82
		Save yourself for that special orgy.	1.82