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The 18th Cowboy

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Rank	114358
Achievements	1773 (1252.90 points)
Number of games and DLCs	181
Number of all owning games	Game details not public
Badges	35 (14221 XP)
Member since	March 02, 2013
Total playing time	3875.1 hours
Completion rate	1.5 %
Location	United Kingdom (Great Britain)

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I was addicted to porn. I remember doing the 'intake test' where they assess whether or not you're actually addicted to porn, and I scored off the chart. I had let porn impact my life negatively, I had ruined relationships, I had a hard time forming intimate relationships, it ruined my productivity, I had started looking at more and more extreme porn, and was masturbating several times a day. Fortunately (I guess) I was a high functioning addict.

I started seeing a $200/hour therapist, who I've been seeing for the last two years. Here is what I have learned:

all addictions, porn included, are a way of coping with pain. If you find yourself struggling with porn, chances are you're struggling with pain. It's not always the case (and I'm not a therapist), but you should take some time to be introspective and think about what might be hurting you. For me, it was the constant feeling of inadequacy, especially when I was young. Porn was something that made me feel 'wanted' - I felt like I was being affirmed by the women I was looking at, which gave me a great personal boost.

don't try to fight your desire to look at porn - be curious instead. If you fight things, you'll end up eventually losing will power, and you'll will likely revert to your old behavior. You shouldn't try to fight the urge - instead, when it comes up, be 'curious' - ask yourself, "why am I feeling this? What is triggering me to feel these urges? What just happened? Where am I emotionally right now?" What you will find is that more often than not, there is a pattern that emerges when you're feeling that 'urge' - for me, it was a few specific patterns: first, when I wanted to be comforted, such as before bed, or when I was upset. Second, when I was feeling especially frustrated or 'stuck' - whether with work, personal projects (losing at something), or anything else - porn was something I always felt 'good at'. There were clear patterns that emerged for me, which made it a good starting place to drill into 'why'

after being curious, ask for space temporarily. It helps to close your eyes and use your mind to envision what the 'porn requester' is - it could be a person, a thing, something of relevance to you - and ask it for a bit of space. You're not saying never, and you don't need to commit to never right now - just ask for a little space for right now. For me, I have a vivid memory of the first time I looked at porn. I would frequently 'talk' to that younger version of me, and tell him that it was okay, but that we were going to take a break. It sounds weird, but it works.

remove temptation as much as you can. There are some practical parts here and more tactical items: put parental controls on everything you can, ask someone to lock you out (and put on a password). Remove access as much as you can to make it easier on yourself. If you get close to a slip up, but can't easily access porn, you'll have a much better success rate. It's like eating healthy: get rid of all the junk food in your house.

personal growth is a journey, not a destination. Socrates said "the unexamined life is not worth living" - simply by looking at yourself, and wondering if this habit of porn is good for you (and in this case, good for me), is a massive first step. It won't always be up, and it won't always be easy, but choosing to be better is the first and most important step.

Finally, and one of the things that hit me the hardest, is to remember that you are valuable. Not because of what you can do, not because of what you have accomplished, not because of any reason except for that you are you - and you are a valuable person. Never forget that, and never stop working on yourself. You are a valuable person, and you deserve the best in life. I hope this post is helpful, and I'm happy to answer any questions if anyone has any.

Achievements

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Game		#	Unlocked achievements				Locked achievements
			Current best	#	Points	%	Next easiest	#	Points	%
	10 Second Ninja	30	0.6159921288	10	4.95	33.3	0.5975332856	20	19.27	66.7
	7 Days to Die	43	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2323154956	43	32.79	100
	AdVenture Capitalist	31	0.7646216750	19	8.78	61.3	0.6261989474	12	10.42	38.7
	Alien Swarm	66	-1	0	0.00	0	0.1605219990	66	57.89	100
	Alien: Isolation	50	1.1430573463	16	8.14	32	0.6673725843	34	31.56	68
	America's Army: Proving Grounds	100	-1	0	0.00	2	0.9490542412	100-2	181.19	100
	Amnesia: The Dark Descent	18	-1	0	0.00	0	1.1014910936	18	28.62	100
	Arma 3	47	1.7137058973	25	24.79	53.2	0.4896461964	22	35.20	46.8
	Arma 3 Apex	18	1.4492151737	5	3.42	27.8	0.2410539538	13	17.34	72.2
	Arma 3 Helicopters	8	0.9255392551	1	0.93	12.5	1.1822465658	7	9.15	87.5
	Arma 3 Karts	5	0.7560881376	2	1.41	40	1.3158754110	3	4.03	60
	Arma 3 Marksmen	7	1.2888811827	5	5.00	71.4	1.1447410583	2	2.53	28.6
	Ascend: Hand of Kul	30	0.7253999710	6	3.46	20	0.7891333699	24	32.75	80
	Assassin's Creed® III	44	-1	0	0.00	0	2.5545706749	44	119.35	100
	Assetto Corsa	276	1.6015025377	15	16.38	5.4	0.6211867929	261	451.97	94.6
	Assetto Corsa - Dream Pack 1	36	-1	0	0.00	0	1.0157693624	36	39.55	100
	BattleBlock Theater	30	0.6871054769	15	6.85	50	0.5334415436	15	18.71	50
	Besiege	47	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6021506786	47	107.78	100
	Betrayer	21	-1	0	0.00	0	1.0381453037	21	26.85	100
	The Binding of Isaac	60	0.6353976727	18	7.38	30	0.5773408413	42	36.22	70
	BioShock 2	60	-1	0	0.00	0	0.8266329765	60	86.72	100
	BioShock 2 Remastered	45	-1	0	0.00	6.7	0.8936405778	45-3	59.18	100
	BioShock Infinite	50	0.7228245735	15	6.39	30	0.1871490628	35	26.60	70
	BioShock Remastered	65	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5091328621	65	74.03	100
	Borderlands 2	50	0.7188287973	33	11.62	66	0.6330639720	17	15.46	34
	Borderlands 2 - Captain Scarlett and her Pirate's Booty	3	0.0043903133	1	0.00	33.3	0.5234938860	2	1.06	66.7
	Borderlands 2: Mr. Torgue’s Campaign of Carnage	3	0.0126617691	1	0.01	33.3	0.3614025712	2	0.95	66.7
	Borderlands 2: Sir Hammerlock’s Big Game Hunt	3	0.0058434750	1	0.01	33.3	0.3987012804	2	0.85	66.7
	Borderlands 2: Tiny Tina's Assault on Dragon Keep	10	0.3347182274	6	0.84	60	0.2947122753	4	1.84	40
	Brawlhalla	65	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3605346978	65	94.81	100
	Castle Crashers	12	0.9817131162	6	3.69	50	0.9423304200	6	7.76	50
	Chivalry: Medieval Warfare	49	1.4663794041	11	10.39	22.4	0.6543496251	38	49.81	77.6
	Cities: Skylines	43	1.0797170401	13	7.35	30.2	0.6513335109	30	60.18	69.8
	Cities: Skylines - After Dark	4	0.8493037224	1	0.85	25	0.8412397504	3	3.22	75
	Cities: Skylines - Snowfall	11	0.2116558850	3	0.39	27.3	0.8806792498	8	9.03	72.7
	Clicker Heroes	111	0.1886652410	7	0.87	6.3	0.1202789694	104	72.98	93.7
	CONSORTIUM 2014	39	-1	0	0.00	0	1.1630533934	39	76.90	100
	Counter-Strike 2	1	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6951531172	1	0.70	100
	Counter-Strike: Source	147	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2163724899	147	121.10	100
	DARK SOULS™ III	43	0.5557290316	29	9.43	67.4	0.4002811611	14	10.55	32.6
	DARK SOULS™: Prepare To Die Edition	41	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2318872362	41	32.98	100
	Darksiders	43	0.8953113556	2	1.58	4.7	0.5145107508	41	44.84	95.3
	Darksiders II	50	0.9677122235	22	15.46	48	0.6336202621	28-2	34.32	52
	Darksiders Warmastered Edition	43	1.0834412575	5	4.43	11.6	0.9447647333	38	48.94	88.4
	Day of Defeat: Source	54	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6993011832	54	71.43	100
	Dead Island: Epidemic	54	-1	0	0.00	100	0.4543595016	54-54	90.56	100
	Defy Gravity	8	0.6071689725	2	1.09	25	0.7545149922	6	6.30	75
	Depth	40	1.1514507532	8	4.47	20	0.5935508013	32	32.99	80
	DiRT 3 Complete Edition	60	1.4207847118	18	18.31	30	1.1532189846	42	67.22	70
	Dirty Bomb	77	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5224683285	77	120.00	100
	Dishonored	50	0.7906898260	16	7.80	32	0.3343594372	34	29.09	68
	DOOM	39	0.6930660605	17	6.43	43.6	0.4303519726	22	24.10	56.4
	Duck Game	18	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3060019910	18	20.09	100
	Dying Light	53	0.7971068025	24	6.35	45.3	0.3460405469	29	21.69	54.7
	The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim	50	0.5925226808	34	11.92	68	0.3268802464	16	9.80	32
	The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - Dawnguard	10	0.8271616101	1	0.83	10	0.2868920863	9	5.11	90
	The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - Dragonborn	10	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2588124275	10	5.72	100
	The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - Hearthfire	5	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3113648295	5	2.79	100
	The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Special Edition	75	0.8108758330	3	1.45	4	0.4108676016	72	66.50	96
	Euro Truck Simulator 2	39	0.6585645676	7	2.64	17.9	0.3939576447	32	48.70	82.1
	The Forest	45	-1	0	0.00	0	0.1533707976	45	36.96	100
	Fractured Space	34	-1	0	0.00	0	1.3531072140	34	70.23	100
	Game Dev Tycoon	35	0.6244467497	19	5.54	54.3	0.3907312751	16	14.82	45.7
	Garry's Mod	29	0.2822692692	4	0.58	13.8	0.2982273400	25	25.95	86.2
	Gear Up	27	-1	0	0.00	0	0.4561848640	27	32.92	100
	Goat Simulator	49	1.0789417028	9	4.81	18.4	0.3168108463	40	35.31	81.6
	Goat Simulator: MMO Simulator	23	0.3847557008	4	0.99	17.4	0.4400663972	19	13.61	82.6
	Grand Theft Auto V Legacy	77	0.2575379312	6	1.01	7.8	0.1846917719	71	52.27	92.2
	Grey Goo	35	2.1271963120	15	23.52	60	1.8090935946	20-6	49.21	40
	Guardians of Orion (Phase 2)	7	-1	0	0.00	0	1.2223538160	7	9.52	100
	Guns of Icarus Online	849	1.5920597315	14	12.43	1.6	0.9017505646	835	2512.72	98.4
	Half-Life 2	69	0.7442072034	10	4.46	14.5	0.4459120035	59	91.16	85.5
	Half-Life 2: Episode One	13	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5500754118	13	10.50	100
	Half-Life 2: Episode Two	23	-1	0	0.00	0	0.4515004158	23	17.59	100
	Half-Life 2: Update	33	0.6331385970	3	1.63	9.1	0.6372280121	30	27.13	90.9
	Hammerwatch	38	0.4913409650	2	0.96	5.3	0.7085843682	36	53.74	94.7
	Homeworld Remastered Collection	34	1.4907960892	22	21.14	64.7	1.1300604343	12	15.12	35.3
	Hydrophobia: Prophecy	13	0.5566605330	1	0.56	7.7	0.7049338222	12	14.14	92.3
	Insurgency	100	1.9558151960	59	69.51	59	1.3737728596	41	73.90	41
	Interstellar Marines	28	1.9028213024	6	8.03	21.4	1.7319679260	22	48.91	78.6
	Kingdom Rush	74	0.9975765944	69	43.61	93.2	1.0332679749	5	5.81	6.8
	Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning™	50	0.5825124383	5	2.04	10	0.4624070227	45	41.95	90
	Left 4 Dead	73	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3478789330	73	61.15	100
	Left 4 Dead 2	101	0.6652020812	3	1.40	3	0.1569009423	98	100.96	97
	Loadout	28	-1	0	0.00	0	0.4515124857	28	39.00	100
	The Lord of the Rings: War in the North	46	1.2178097963	35	29.76	76.1	0.9296470881	11	15.85	23.9
	Magicka	52	0.3226771653	13	2.74	25	0.2770767212	39	36.40	75
	March of War	42	-1	0	0.00	0	1.0244240761	42	93.07	100
	Max Payne 3	46	0.7871840596	10	5.17	21.7	0.4081988931	36	42.75	78.3
	Men of War: Assault Squad	110	1.3616018295	7	6.60	6.4	1.0575280190	103	188.91	93.6
	Men of War: Vietnam	22	-1	0	0.00	0	1.3578959703	22	40.78	100
	Meridian: New World	83	1.6026241779	2	2.56	2.4	1.2522447109	81	177.65	97.6
	Metro 2033	48	0.6270825863	2	0.99	4.2	0.6988626122	46	56.66	95.8
	Metro 2033 Redux	49	1.1175847054	21	13.71	42.9	0.5466160774	28	29.02	57.1
	Metro: Last Light Complete Edition	50	1.4440431595	21	17.53	42	0.7344887853	29	36.18	58
	Metro: Last Light - Faction Pack	6	0.0923590884	1	0.09	16.7	0.0984453633	5	1.17	83.3
	Metro: Last Light Redux	49	1.0924081802	12	7.76	24.5	0.4639452398	37	32.30	75.5
	Middle-earth™: Shadow of Mordor™	51	0.9759142995	26	10.29	51	0.2994756103	25	17.24	49
	Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor - The Bright Lord	10	0.1532830894	2	0.16	20	0.2086453587	8	3.33	80
	Mount & Blade: Warband	80	1.1566606760	36	23.57	45	0.6205383539	44	47.08	55
	No More Room in Hell	115	0.4275791943	1	0.43	0.9	0.5427438021	114	205.55	99.1
	Nuclear Dawn	58	1.1388895512	5	3.87	8.6	0.6813809276	53	84.75	91.4
	ORION: Prelude	251	2.1576046944	111	156.08	44.2	0.9796702266	140	283.30	55.8
	Path of Exile	127	0.8766244650	12	6.53	9.4	0.6127624512	115	133.01	90.6
	PAYDAY 2	715	1.0804167986	43	23.73	6	0.4790080786	672	828.86	94
	PAYDAY 2: Armored Transport	48	0.1634616703	1	0.16	2.1	0.2073679715	47	27.06	97.9
	PAYDAY 2: Gage Mod Courier	10	0.1090354770	1	0.11	10	0.0148166679	9	1.85	90
	PAYDAY 2: Gage Shotgun Pack	12	0.2707733214	2	0.31	16.7	0.2254873812	10	4.15	83.3
	PAYDAY 2: Gage Sniper Pack	17	0.0874236003	1	0.09	5.9	0.1551311761	16	5.87	94.1
	PAYDAY 2: Gage Weapon Pack #02	10	0.6363134980	4	1.79	40	0.5353624225	6	4.29	60
	PAYDAY 2: Hotline Miami	12	0.3987608254	1	0.40	8.3	0.0576582588	11	3.54	91.7
	PAYDAY 2: The Big Bank Heist	20	0.3163467050	2	0.41	10	0.1181863546	18	9.32	90
	PAYDAY 2: The Charlie Santa Heist	15	0.4538136125	3	1.12	20	0.1881374270	12	5.29	80
	PAYDAY 2: The Death Wish Update	31	0.7623277307	28	14.25	90.3	0.6195514202	3	1.97	9.7
	PAYDAY 2: The Election Day Heist	16	0.3229105771	1	0.32	6.3	0.1362796575	15	5.55	93.8
	PAYDAY 2: The Hoxton Breakout Heist	6	0.4819622934	3	0.79	50	0.2383915782	3	0.87	50
	PAYDAY 2: The Infamy Update	25	0.2270738333	5	0.69	20	0.2880384028	20	8.34	80
	PAYDAY 2: The Shadow Raid Heist	12	0.1969790608	3	0.40	25	0.1811235100	9	2.73	75
	PAYDAY: The Heist	48	0.4970116615	4	1.52	8.3	0.7854912877	44	59.54	91.7
	Planetary Annihilation	19	1.9460868835	13	19.63	68.4	2.0194623470	6	12.95	31.6
	Portal	15	0.1872027516	1	0.19	6.7	0.2563042939	14	10.48	93.3
	Portal 2	51	0.7098756433	15	4.60	29.4	0.3445380330	36	26.98	70.6
	Portal Stories: Mel	28	0.2418545336	1	0.24	3.6	0.2623201609	27	23.09	96.4
	POSTAL 2	69	0.9278389215	9	4.61	13	0.4555960298	60	58.08	87
	Project CARS	45	1.6982791424	9	8.48	20	0.6566190720	36	61.76	80
	Quake Live	58	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6358277202	58	98.45	100
	Race The Sun	25	0.8215570450	4	2.43	16	0.6649514437	21	32.93	84
	Realm of the Mad God Exalt	167	0.6174625754	5	2.23	3	0.5505488515	162	549.01	97
	Rising Storm/Red Orchestra 2 Multiplayer	140	2.5708863735	35	41.65	41.4	0.8952336311	105-23	216.57	58.6
	Rocket League	72	0.4500969648	31	5.07	43.1	0.2043711096	41	23.57	56.9
	ROCKETSROCKETSROCKETS	36	-1	0	0.00	0	0.7254883051	36	59.52	100
	Sanctum	79	1.7515259981	11	10.24	13.9	0.4621493518	68	104.91	86.1
	Sanctum 2	43	1.1645668745	10	6.56	23.3	1.0765534639	33	57.68	76.7
	Serious Sam 3: BFE	61	0.9333476424	7	3.97	11.5	0.3929204345	54	60.83	88.5
	Serious Sam Classics: Revolution	42	-1	0	0.00	0	0.9153312445	42	76.73	100
	Serious Sam Double D XXL	30	-1	0	0.00	0	0.8193061352	30	44.36	100
	Serious Sam HD: The First Encounter	35	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3751208782	35	56.80	100
	Serious Sam HD: The Second Encounter	70	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6655243635	70	116.87	100
	Sid Meier's Civilization V	118	0.8792895675	13	3.26	11	0.1984277517	105	108.78	89
	Sid Meier's Civilization V: Brave New World	60	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3873457015	60	74.70	100
	Sid Meier's Civilization V: Gods and Kings	51	0.0629264787	2	0.07	3.9	0.1213989556	49	60.11	96.1
	Sniper Elite V2	41	1.5178732872	30	21.21	73.2	0.8599638343	11	16.65	26.8
	Space Engineers	29	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5485732555	29	47.56	100
	Spec Ops: The Line	50	0.3417345285	1	0.34	2	0.3633118272	49	35.69	98
	Squad	2	-1	0	0.00	100	3.4817390442	2-2	3.48	100
	Squishy the Suicidal Pig	11	-1	0	0.00	0	1.5928130150	11	19.38	100
	Star Conflict	214	1.8045183420	36	41.76	16.8	1.0263670683	178	328.23	83.2
	Strike Suit Infinity	16	-1	0	0.00	0	0.9435887933	16	25.05	100
	Styx: Master of Shadows	33	0.7363399863	2	1.41	6.1	0.8711251616	31	36.07	93.9
	Super Hexagon	6	1.2484295368	6	5.58	100	100	0	0.00	0
	Super Meat Boy	48	0.5845064521	3	1.15	6.3	0.6848052740	45	64.96	93.8
	Surgeon Simulator	72	0.8909587264	9	4.15	12.5	0.4509229064	63	84.45	87.5
	Survarium	73	-1	0	0.00	100	0.7304461002	73-73	117.33	100
	Team Fortress 2	520	0.6251799464	11	3.30	2.9	0.2395377755	509-4	353.37	97.1
	Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Phantoms - EU	57	1.3310543299	3	3.11	100	0.7797238827	54-54	110.45	0
	Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Siege	48	-1	0	0.00	0	1.2937299013	48	68.10	100
	Torchlight II	119	0.4175637960	20	4.79	16.8	0.2114250213	99	91.47	83.2
	Total War: EMPIRE - Definitive Edition	30	0.5857020020	2	0.97	6.7	0.8009102345	28	41.36	93.3
	Total War: SHOGUN 2	106	1.8562763929	24	27.21	22.6	0.9506242275	82	139.28	77.4
	Total War: WARHAMMER	135	1.7973375320	70	62.62	51.9	0.6262836456	65	86.38	48.1
	Total War: WARHAMMER - Chaos Warriors	8	0.4335496724	4	0.79	50	0.5487798452	4	3.32	50
	Total War: WARHAMMER - Realm of The Wood Elves	10	0.9930853248	7	2.59	70	0.6372191906	3	2.83	30
	Trove	19	-1	0	0.00	0	0.8973135352	19	29.56	100
	Unreal Tournament 3: Black Edition	57	0.9343558550	3	2.11	5.3	1.0170867443	54	90.50	94.7
	Unturned	95	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3123458326	95	174.61	100
	Verdun	59	1.9455959797	33	41.92	55.9	1.4783985615	26	53.71	44.1
	VVVVVV	19	1.4625988007	2	2.75	10.5	1.0118150711	17	30.71	89.5
	War Thunder	91	-1	0	0.00	0	0.4776972532	91	152.12	100
	Warface: Clutch	67	-1	0	0.00	0	1.0164222717	67	169.21	100
	Warframe	193	0.9739558101	111	68.53	58.5	0.5965614915	82-2	90.02	41.5
	Wargame: European Escalation	29	1.1004229784	6	5.51	20.7	1.3319749832	23	39.56	79.3
	Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide	88	0.9753811359	27	16.09	30.7	0.8360849619	61	103.32	69.3
	Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide Last Stand	6	0.2580547333	2	0.51	33.3	0.8146643639	4	4.42	66.7
	WildStar	142	0.7774554491	4	2.38	2.8	0.7283493280	138	237.00	97.2
	The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings Enhanced Edition	52	1.1390233040	34	26.02	65.4	0.7595882416	18	20.13	34.6
	The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt — Remastered	52	1.1275507212	43	24.79	82.7	0.7960252762	9	9.02	17.3
	The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt - Blood and Wine	13	0.3571550846	10	2.01	76.9	0.5510144234	3	1.73	23.1
	The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt - Hearts of Stone	13	0.6508896947	9	3.11	69.2	0.3286076784	4	1.96	30.8
	World of Guns: Gun Disassembly	42	-1	0	0.00	0	0.1779671013	42	49.95	100
	Yet Another Zombie Defense	18	0.3915102482	2	0.77	11.1	0.4290322661	16	14.05	88.9
	Zigfrak	2	-1	0	0.00	100	3.0771214962	2-2	6.28	100