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artificial death in the west

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I am forever swimming around, amidst this ocean world we call home. My limbs grow weak and weary as my eyes drift skyward in defeat. I remember how warm the earth felt, as I lived and breathed next to her beating heart. I remember enough to keep searching through an ocean of tears, raised to astronomical depths. My dreams offer solace, where I return to distant, faded times. Through trees entwined with cool autumn air, my sorrow is lured by fragrant, bittersweet memories. I am at home as much as my world and consciousness allow. I remember falling into the most beautiful lake I've ever experienced. She swallowed me whole, like a droplet, and I was enraptured and enwombed within her bliss. The lonely windswept desert sky of my soul was filled by her luminous stars and warmed by her sunlit radiance. I gazed downward in awe and saw it all reflected in the shimmering ripples dancing and playing about the surface. It appeared to me as real as the very wonders it was reflecting. I stepped forward to prove to no one and everyone that they were, by belief. For an aching instant I was betwixt the two and the summation. Confusion befell me and I fell through, only to realize I hadn't entered the lake, I had left it. With all of my remaining life I howled at the heavens and collapsed, like a star on the shores of my youth, as my life's breath wandered away from the home it had harbored. I have been drowning on dry land ever since.

I lay there, coital, for heaven knows how long. I felt eons ebb and flow in the spans of seconds. I lived as intently as I could in those endless instants, as the boredom of -after- droned on and on. The fires of my heart grew dim and became only the faintest embers of the roaring blaze they had once been. My limbs, heavy with the weight of the world, protested. I felt the longing of this life which slowly began to ease the agony in my heart. As I was gradually nursed back to health, knowledge of record and history tried desperately to fill the yawning, nauseous chasm of my soul. I began to know the deadpan search for freedom and forgetfulness, and I released the hold on my life. Though it still lurched, pained, in front of me, I just stared back with tired, vacant eyes as if watching the most fascinating of nothing. My mind drifted, only to be slammed back reluctantly, repeatedly, and painfully by those I vaguely remember knowing, as if from a different life and age. I try, in vain, to forgive and forget myself as I paste on those plaster smiles and strain to look levelly. I remember. I forget. I forget again. I remember less. I am saddened at the thought that I have forgotten. I am not who I used to be. Though it pained me so, I was never so real as those lonely, lost times of my undoing. I am torn asunder at the thought of losing forever that, which has changed my life eternally, and that which I fear in the depths of my soul will never be again. That, which has gifted me with more pain than I have ever known in all of my lives or all of the lives that I know through my own.

Who am I to ask this of you?

Achievements

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Game		#	Unlocked achievements				Locked achievements
			Current best	#	Points	%	Next easiest	#	Points	%
	12 is Better Than 6	46	0.9675645828	30	22.91	65.2	0.8295120001	16	16.42	34.8
	20 Minutes Till Dawn	34	0.6325635910	5	2.37	14.7	0.7435156107	29	32.07	85.3
	8-Bit Bayonetta	16	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3167290390	16	8.68	100
	ABZÛ	12	0.4326185286	2	0.83	16.7	0.5610866547	10	8.45	83.3
	Alien: Isolation	50	1.4379836321	42	29.40	84	0.7995966673	8	10.29	16
	Axiom Verge	29	0.7440820336	14	6.83	48.3	0.6188765764	15	18.96	51.7
	The Banner Saga	39	0.8261551857	25	13.54	64.1	0.8833320141	14	18.35	35.9
	Bastion	24	-1	0	0.00	0	0.1707186401	24	22.34	100
	The Binding of Isaac	60	-1	0	0.00	0	0.1830944419	60	43.60	100
	Bomber Crew	30	1.5977095366	22	24.74	73.3	0.9885091186	8	11.99	26.7
	Borderlands 2	50	0.7494276166	29	10.03	58	0.4312809706	21	17.03	42
	Castle Crashers	12	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3044164777	12	11.45	100
	Chivalry: Medieval Warfare	49	1.1226270199	8	6.28	16.3	0.7812163234	41	53.92	83.7
	Counter-Strike 2	1	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6977334619	1	0.70	100
	Crusader Kings II	32	-1	0	0.00	0	0.9778001904	32	52.54	100
	Crypt of the NecroDancer	32	0.8374537230	3	1.89	9.4	0.7917874455	29	54.64	90.6
	Crypt of the NecroDancer: AMPLIFIED	16	1.0550187826	1	1.06	6.3	0.7103828192	15	21.31	93.8
	Cuphead	28	0.5764801502	11	3.60	39.3	0.5886551142	17	15.18	60.7
	DARK SOULS™ III	43	0.7173375487	36	12.96	83.7	0.8726841211	7	7.01	16.3
	Darkest Dungeon®	75	0.8563964367	33	15.41	44	0.3339782655	42	66.01	56
	Deadlight	31	0.3986351788	7	2.29	22.6	0.3425047100	24	18.45	77.4
	Dear Esther: Landmark Edition	10	-1	0	0.00	0	1.1834261417	10	13.46	100
	DEFCON	22	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6873191595	22	40.54	100
	Deponia	19	-1	0	0.00	0	0.4328477085	19	15.43	100
	Destiny 2	13	0.7644900084	11	6.21	84.6	0.9384469390	2	2.11	15.4
	Destiny 2: Forsaken Pack	10	0.5924087167	9	2.15	90	0.4673863053	1	0.47	10
	Deus Ex: Human Revolution - Director's Cut	59	1.2341858149	46	36.28	78	0.9036034942	13	15.30	22
	Deus Ex: Mankind Divided™	63	1.4989495277	31	26.85	49.2	0.6421287060	32	52.36	50.8
	Deus Ex: Revision	255	-1	0	0.00	0	0.9494298100	255	446.17	100
	Dishonored 2	50	1.2821700573	41	30.67	82	0.8102144599	9	9.75	18
	Dishonored®: Death of the Outsider™	30	1.2064070702	25	21.64	83.3	0.8818959594	5	5.09	16.7
	DOOM	39	0.7692925334	17	6.35	43.6	0.5782121420	22	24.17	56.4
	DOOM Eternal	36	1.4388339520	25	14.52	69.4	0.7652930021	11	14.37	30.6
	DOOM Eternal: The Ancient Gods - Part One	7	0.3390902579	6	1.13	85.7	0.6949212551	1	0.69	14.3
	DOOM Eternal: The Ancient Gods - Part Two	7	0.1785820425	6	0.31	85.7	0.5959973335	1	0.60	14.3
	Door Kickers	43	1.0309449434	17	11.91	39.5	0.3704256713	26	37.55	60.5
	Dustforce	1	-1	0	0.00	0	2.3534934521	1	2.35	100
	E.Y.E: Divine Cybermancy	100	0.8523285985	6	3.18	6	0.5156013966	94	141.86	94
	The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim	50	0.6935856342	26	8.19	52	0.3268757761	24	13.53	48
	The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Special Edition	75	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2953726947	75	67.92	100
	ENDLESS Space™ 2	78	2.1367452145	48	67.13	61.5	1.2653043270	30	55.81	38.5
	ENDLESS™ Space 2 - Penumbra	10	0.7257936001	1	0.73	10	0.2949500382	9	9.44	90
	ENDLESS™ Space 2 - Supremacy	10	1.3498004675	7	7.93	70	0.5442023277	3	2.92	30
	ENDLESS™ Space 2 - Vaulters	8	1.2620006800	7	6.62	87.5	1.1478316784	1	1.15	12.5
	Enter the Gungeon	54	1.0971999168	40	30.63	74.1	0.8760274053	14	15.37	25.9
	Eufloria	18	-1	0	0.00	0	0.8760818243	18	24.79	100
	Eufloria HD	20	-1	0	0.00	0	1.2671560049	20	35.00	100
	Everlasting Summer	14	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5784591436	14	9.86	100
	Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy Remastered	17	1.1106525660	6	6.40	35.3	1.1527351141	11	13.63	64.7
	FEZ	12	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2673695982	12	9.52	100
	Flower	14	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5907762647	14	14.62	100
	FOTONICA	20	1.5105857849	10	11.92	50	1.1308615208	10	16.96	50
	Fractured Space	34	-1	0	0.00	0	1.3531072140	34	70.23	100
	Frozen Synapse	16	-1	0	0.00	0	0.4423528612	16	20.32	100
	FTL: Faster Than Light	51	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6317618489	51	59.76	100
	Gemini Rue	15	0.8863354325	1	0.89	6.7	0.9246425629	14	19.36	93.3
	Hades	49	1.0156663656	39	22.97	79.6	0.4055249095	10	8.42	20.4
	Hell Yeah!	12	-1	0	0.00	0	0.7362638116	12	13.95	100
	Helltaker	10	0.2887177765	2	0.44	20	0.2129479498	8	3.41	80
	HITMAN™	24	1.4774404764	19	15.11	79.2	0.8053457737	5	5.66	20.8
	HITMAN™ - Bonus Episode	10	0.1681888103	2	0.23	20	0.1579122543	8	3.06	80
	HITMAN™: Episode 2 - Sapienza	7	0.7258735299	4	1.72	57.1	0.7947046757	3	2.54	42.9
	HITMAN™: Episode 3 - Marrakesh	7	0.7614082098	4	1.93	57.1	0.7471590042	3	2.34	42.9
	HITMAN™: Episode 4 - Bangkok	7	0.8111321926	4	1.91	57.1	0.7240613103	3	2.33	42.9
	HITMAN™: Episode 5 - Colorado	7	0.6675941944	4	1.71	57.1	0.6590391994	3	2.16	42.9
	HITMAN™: Episode 6 - Hokkaido	7	0.6065215468	6	2.63	85.7	0.6977459788	1	0.70	14.3
	Hollow Knight	63	1.1399042606	42	26.76	66.7	0.7204291224	21	22.78	33.3
	Homeworld Remastered Collection	34	1.1734007597	20	18.17	58.8	1.1299446821	14	18.09	41.2
	Horace	58	1.4551573992	13	16.19	22.4	1.4615756273	45	80.22	77.6
	Hotline Miami	35	0.9540284872	15	6.81	42.9	0.6196801066	20	20.02	57.1
	Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number	29	1.1917726994	22	16.96	75.9	1.0177701712	7	8.73	24.1
	House of the Dying Sun	38	1.2016816139	15	8.74	39.5	0.9123374224	23	34.76	60.5
	Hyper Light Drifter	23	1.5054463148	7	7.73	30.4	0.9609624743	16	24.82	69.6
	Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet	17	-1	0	0.00	0	0.9192253947	17	30.42	100
	Insurgency	100	1.4203693867	22	20.34	22	0.5541606545	78	123.07	78
	Interplanetary	25	-1	0	0.00	0	1.4565736055	25	59.09	100
	Interplanetary: Enhanced Edition	27	-1	0	0.00	0	1.2019699812	27	59.44	100
	Invisible, Inc.	23	1.8086229563	10	10.65	43.5	1.5289307833	13	26.70	56.5
	Jazzpunk: Director's Cut	24	0.6675984859	9	5.38	37.5	0.4455904067	15	10.29	62.5
	Jet Set Radio	30	1.6940487623	7	7.60	23.3	1.2330363989	23	45.52	76.7
	Journey	14	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5167275667	14	12.82	100
	L.A. Noire	40	0.8895570040	16	8.02	40	0.5135284662	24	25.70	60
	La-Mulana	64	0.5334408879	2	1.03	3.1	0.8847151399	62	100.36	96.9
	Left 4 Dead 2	101	0.3663547635	3	0.75	3	0.1661204249	98	101.62	97
	LET IT DIE	14	1.5473521948	5	6.66	35.7	1.6206701994	9	16.31	64.3
	LIMBO	13	0.4492554963	1	0.45	7.7	0.5277616978	12	11.04	92.3
	Lovely Planet	14	1.4201332331	5	6.05	35.7	1.4506860971	9	15.17	64.3
	LUFTRAUSERS	12	0.3914806843	2	0.68	16.7	0.3362101614	10	8.52	83.3
	Magicka	52	0.7607308626	17	4.72	32.7	0.2860457003	35	34.41	67.3
	Magicka: Vietnam	2	-1	0	0.00	0	1.3302487135	2	2.76	100
	Mark of the Ninja	30	0.1815285087	1	0.18	3.3	0.2389542907	29	23.27	96.7
	METAL GEAR SOLID V: GROUND ZEROES	16	1.3404934406	15	14.79	93.8	1.3536416292	1	1.35	6.3
	METAL GEAR SOLID V: THE PHANTOM PAIN	42	1.3978379965	36	22.29	85.7	1.0921525955	6	7.78	14.3
	METAL SLUG 3	30	0.6227573156	12	4.74	40	0.5666626096	18	21.48	60
	Metrocide	33	0.9817131162	1	0.98	3	1.0729897022	32	65.15	97
	Mount & Blade: With Fire and Sword	21	-1	0	0.00	0	0.7918301225	21	32.04	100
	Mountain	31	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6388940811	31	34.08	100
	Nuclear Throne	59	1.3722331524	23	18.96	39	1.1425148249	36	85.16	61
	Ori and the Blind Forest	50	1.0555520058	35	27.61	70	0.8075559139	15	19.72	30
	Ori and the Blind Forest: Definitive Edition	57	0.6474947333	18	7.42	31.6	0.4996638298	39	32.83	68.4
	Ori and the Will of the Wisps	37	0.4489392936	6	2.41	16.2	0.5100784898	31	25.83	83.8
	Pathologic Classic HD	42	-1	0	0.00	0	1.4017481804	42	80.10	100
	Pillars of Eternity	31	1.3408702612	15	13.61	48.4	0.6025921106	16	26.26	51.6
	Pillars of Eternity - The White March Part I	7	0.7448567152	6	3.29	85.7	0.5564048290	1	0.56	14.3
	Pillars of Eternity - The White March Part II	10	0.9742655158	5	3.72	50	0.3536422253	5	6.06	50
	Pillars of Eternity II: Deadfire	37	1.3300629854	24	19.70	64.9	0.8427128196	13	14.24	35.1
	Pillars of Eternity II: Deadfire - Beast of Winter	5	0.0984892473	5	0.28	100	100	0	0.00	0
	Pillars of Eternity II: Deadfire - Seeker, Slayer, Survivor	6	0.0656942278	5	0.26	83.3	0.2844888568	1	0.28	16.7
	Pillars of Eternity II: Deadfire - The Forgotten Sanctum	7	0.3229847848	5	1.06	71.4	0.1405501515	2	0.36	28.6
	Portal	15	0.3118815422	4	1.05	26.7	0.3209952116	11	9.62	73.3
	Primordia	29	1.0969026089	15	13.91	51.7	0.8719849586	14	16.05	48.3
	Red Orchestra 2: Heroes of Stalingrad - Single Player	29	-1	0	0.00	0	0.8231359124	29	45.96	100
	Renegade Ops	12	-1	0	0.00	0	0.8527272940	12	18.08	100
	Rising Storm 2: Vietnam	132	2.1299219131	60	62.86	45.5	0.8524284959	72	129.70	54.5
	Rising Storm/Red Orchestra 2 Multiplayer	140	2.1384677887	41	52.36	45.7	0.7281543612	99-23	205.89	54.3
	Risk of Rain (2013)	15	1.2485764027	14	8.85	93.3	0.6454833150	1	0.65	6.7
	Risk of Rain 2	196	1.0932474136	79	37.35	40.3	0.3655268252	117	220.06	59.7
	Risk of Rain 2: Survivors of the Void	6	0.5515998602	5	1.85	83.3	0.4989756644	1	0.50	16.7
	RUINER	33	1.8969591856	26	32.08	78.8	1.5858103037	7	12.76	21.2
	Satellite Reign	40	1.6754835844	5	6.27	12.5	1.4637700319	35	68.83	87.5
	SEGA Mega Drive & Genesis Classics	25	-1	0	0.00	0	1.4462162256	25	52.82	100
	Shadow Tactics: Blades of the Shogun	44	1.6603255272	35	39.66	79.5	0.7949790359	9	12.78	20.5
	Shadow Tactics: Blades of the Shogun - Aiko's Choice	44	-1	0	0.00	0	1.1270793676	44	57.96	100
	Shadow Warrior	92	0.9205324054	33	23.77	35.9	0.9235900640	59	84.96	64.1
	Shovel Knight: Treasure Trove	138	1.1997303963	20	11.12	14.5	0.3976699412	118	188.89	85.5
	Sisyphus Reborn	7	0.4826345742	7	3.27	100	100	0	0.00	0
	Slime Rancher	57	0.8905175328	18	6.24	31.6	0.3247465491	39	30.82	68.4
	Sniper Elite V2	41	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2925353348	41	37.86	100
	Sniper Elite: Nazi Zombie Army	26	0.7240622640	7	3.11	26.9	0.5584380627	19	18.88	73.1
	SpaceChem	19	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6568270922	19	26.41	100
	The Stanley Parable	10	0.3435425162	5	1.22	50	0.4837060571	5	3.93	50
	State of Mind	34	-1	0	0.00	0	1.0004413128	34	51.33	100
	Stellaris	71	-1	0	0.00	0	0.4873325825	71	120.81	100
	Stellaris: Ancient Relics Story Pack	9	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2493896037	9	6.31	100
	Stellaris: Apocalypse	10	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2494590133	10	7.19	100
	Stellaris: Distant Stars Story Pack	5	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3089310527	5	2.45	100
	Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack	12	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3555602133	12	8.79	100
	Stellaris: MegaCorp	10	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2184085250	10	7.07	100
	Stellaris: Synthetic Dawn Story Pack	6	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6090521216	6	6.35	100
	Stellaris: Utopia	10	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5236488581	10	7.06	100
	Strategic War in Europe	64	-1	0	0.00	0	1.4902794361	64	153.49	100
	Street Fighter V	45	1.4834716320	34	29.05	75.6	0.8435562253	11	17.23	24.4
	Super Hexagon	6	0.4818682075	1	0.48	16.7	0.6986752152	5	5.09	83.3
	Super Time Force Ultra	33	1.1586502790	5	4.24	15.2	0.7679190636	28	39.07	84.8
	Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery EP	14	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5680844784	14	16.00	100
	SUPERHOT: MIND CONTROL DELETE	14	1.2522912025	11	9.80	78.6	1.3921011686	3	4.29	21.4
	Surviving Mars	50	-1	0	0.00	0	0.7984428406	50	76.07	100
	SYNTHETIK	27	1.9941030741	22	29.58	81.5	1.2520699501	5	9.17	18.5
	Team Fortress 2	520	0.9966239929	254	131.99	49.6	0.3194114864	266-4	224.83	50.4
	Teleglitch: Die More Edition	39	2.1736812592	25	43.98	64.1	2.1264395714	14	31.75	35.9
	Torchlight II	119	0.7906505466	51	20.17	42.9	0.3134133518	68	76.08	57.1
	Total War: ROME II - Emperor Edition	109	1.5597748756	36	21.56	35.8	0.2894229591	73-3	97.16	64.2
	Total War: ROME II - Caesar in Gaul Campaign Pack	5	0.0864889324	1	0.09	20	0.4055184126	4	2.40	80
	Total War: SHOGUN 2	106	1.8257907629	26	30.83	24.5	0.9029229879	80	135.67	75.5
	Transistor	33	1.1652300358	25	20.93	75.8	1.1639010906	8	9.74	24.2
	Trine 2	66	-1	0	0.00	0	0.2713867426	66	70.77	100
	Tropico 4	60	1.0565775633	9	7.33	15	0.8849607706	51	66.71	85
	UNBEATABLE [white label]	3	-1	0	0.00	0	0.3586501479	3	1.50	100
	VA-11 Hall-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action	34	0.8452284336	15	7.96	44.1	0.4775675237	19	16.17	55.9
	Vagante	44	-1	0	0.00	0	0.8191781044	44	78.27	100
	Vampire Survivors	203	0.2256953269	37	5.28	18.2	0.1710520089	166	168.05	81.8
	The Vanishing of Ethan Carter	14	0.8549954891	11	8.62	78.6	0.8245282769	3	2.65	21.4
	The Vanishing of Ethan Carter Redux	14	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6818280816	14	10.92	100
	A Virus Named TOM	44	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5279975533	44	82.76	100
	Viscera Cleanup Detail: Shadow Warrior	2	-1	0	0.00	0	1.1073383093	2	2.30	100
	Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II - Anniversary Edition	73	-1	0	0.00	0	0.6678496003	73	117.77	100
	Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II - Chaos Rising	73	-1	0	0.00	0	1.2154374123	73	138.03	100
	Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II - Retribution	75	0.9403939247	13	8.88	17.3	0.6826732755	62	96.09	82.7
	Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II - Retribution - The Last Stand Tau Commander	2	0.0029377230	1	0.00	50	0.7661749125	1	0.77	50
	Wizard of Legend	19	1.1724269390	12	10.70	63.2	0.7862057090	7	8.45	36.8
	World of Guns: Gun Disassembly	42	1.5334149599	9	4.94	21.4	0.7405174971	33	45.02	78.6
	Worms Reloaded	15	-1	0	0.00	0	0.5190753937	15	20.06	100
	Wuppo - Definitive Edition	23	1.4440377951	3	3.35	13	1.2414042950	20	38.05	87
	Yakuza 0	55	1.1340249777	35	24.63	63.6	0.8812412024	20	26.84	36.4
	Yakuza Kiwami (Legacy)	55	0.9257897735	23	16.22	41.8	0.6987268329	32	37.64	58.2
	Yomawari: Night Alone	27	0.9488218427	3	2.13	11.1	1.0244679451	24	31.53	88.9

Profile was last updated on June 23, 2022 at 03:47 AM.

Next automatic update on October 15, 2026 at 03:21 AM.